What do you feel stands in your way of being really happy and content with your life? People often refer to outside factors, things like: my life circumstances, job, relationship(s), money, or a big one is an experience that occurred during your life that is now has you living in fear, regret, shame, remorse, or loss. A past that hangs on and never heals, because the feelings your heart felt when it happened are so strong that you felt you would never truly get over it. It became your story. As a result, you devalued yourself and undermined your sense of self worth. “How could this happen to me! It is my/their fault. I will never get over this grief/betrayal/anger/loss.” “I have so much anger/grief/betrayal over this experience, I will never let another person get close enough to me!”
Interestingly enough, these experiences almost always involve another person. You have now set into motion a belief that things happen to you by others and you now have to protect yourself from the outside world. You are now careful who you ‘let in’.
When you relive the past in a repeated pattern of how things/people show up for you, you are really just existing in a shell of who you really are. When this happens your life is really about a distorted .perspective – Do I:
- engage or retreat, fight or flight, live or die, laugh or cry, defend or give in, selfless or selfish, love or hate, passive or aggressive, content or discontent, gluttony/indulge or sacrifice.
The list is endless, and quite fun to play with. The point being, we now choose to see the world as a good vs bad. But what if you let go of all meaning and story and definition of words.
Life is only the place you can (in)validate the feelings you have for yourself. This is really hard for people to digest, you want to be the exception to this rule. You have a ‘Yes, but’ clause that exempts you from being the change in your life. Your job, boss, significant other is the cause, or there is not enough time, money, or validation, or no one shows up for you.
But what if you only notice the people or circumstances that don’t show up and forgo or take for granted the ones that are. What if the answers to the shift are showing up but because your focus is on what you don’t have or are lacking, you never open yourself up to receive the healing gifts that are right in front of you.
We very often cannot see what is in front of our very eyes. It reminds me of when I am reaching for something and poke myself in the face with the object that was in between my face and what I was focused on. How did I not see that? It often makes me angry because it hurt and then I laugh because I should have seen it since it was there all along. I lived my life for a long time with very limited sight. In my peripheral were all the things everyone else had that I yearned for. My reality was as distorted as my vision when poking myself in the face.
I reflect backward on the amazing experiences I have had and in my limited sight, my experiences reflected my own self value that I put into place when I listened to, reacted to, and believed the truth of others over my own knowingness. So for me, most of my experiences were chosen that brought the most pain and hurt, rejection and need for my own self preservation, but I also see now the amazing gifts of people and opportunities I shunned and walked away from due to my own self worth. I call it my healthy choices, the ones that would make my life easier, more fun and playful and genuine… I wasn’t ready for that. I wanted to bury myself in validation that I wasn’t good enough for anyone. Because my reality was that I wasn’t good enough for myself. Friends came and went, relationships waned, and still they kept coming, testing me to see if I was ready to see myself without my past.
My walls finally came down and WOW! Huh?!? This was all really my own doing. I was choosing the destructive self and blaming others who like me, believed that others cause the pain, and because I couldn’t find the strength to surrender, I had to fight to keep my past in place, to justify my drama, my pain. When I surrendered and let the walls fall, I cried for myself and for humanity. The pain we suffer holding into place our experiences is more then most of us can bare. But surrendering to life and seeing it from a new view of freedom is beyond extraordinary. There is a freedom in who I am now. A peace and surrender to living and loving life, my life. Words have new definition, a playful and curious meaning, not the heavy meaning that we have surrounded them with generation after generation of story and definition and constriction.
I see the grief of the world and the way we hang onto the immense depth of who we hide ourselves to be. We have lived so long in so many generations constricting the true open expansiveness of who we are, instead we teach generation after generation a life of limited and conditional love, conditional compassion, limits on freedom, and that surrender is a form of losing and giving up. We have forgotten that this life is not a story based on our experiences but a deeper more expansive expression of self.
So where does that leave us?
- Can you let go of all that you learned, all the beliefs that the world has ingrained in us that says we have to hide and limit and be less then for the benefit of ourselves and/or others?
- Can you find yourself in all the denial of who you are and who you think yourself to be based on all your life experiences?
- Can you laugh at the times you denied the easy road so you could perpetuate yourself into a place of having less, less love, money, connection, choice?
- Can you unfold and open up to your true self and expose yourself to the world as love and freedom and surrender?
- Can you see the beauty in everything you experience as a means to bring you closer to the truth – that you can spend your life being your own worst enemy or you can open yourself up to being your biggest Ally.
There is a beauty in that beyond what any words can hold on this page.
Contact me if you would like to look into this more and experience the wonder of who you are through my Life Coaching. I am holding a class in Denver on May 31 at 10-noon. I can also be reached by phone or Skype for one on one sessions. 303-886-1455
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